Saturday, November 7, 2009
Adventure!!!
Ok, so not really a buko adventure with sword fighting or killer bunnies, but an adventure none the less! ^_^ I'm going to the temple tonight!!! :D I am so excited and happy! I haven't been to the temple for about 4 months! Tonight that streak is ending. Yayishness!!! ^_^ I think it's about time to be spiritually fulfilled again. {HUGS} all around!!!!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Question Mark?
I don't know? I've let myself become enveloped in a mess that I never anticipated. I don't know what's going on. I can't even express myself clearly! So I plan on just writing until I can make things clearer. I'm looking to the sky to save me. I'm looking for the beauty around me. I'm looking for a million fireflies. I'm looking for the answers left in disguise. I'm looking for someone to comfort me and keep me strong. I'm looking for a brand new day when the sun is shining. I don't know what I'm looking for.
I'd like to say that I used to think life was easy, but that would be lying. I try not to lie. Life has never been easy. Sure, it has had its moments of lucidity, but even then life was hard. Maybe that's what it is right now. Maybe I'm just going insane because of...nothing? I feel restless, resentment, tired, yearning, frustrated, sad, confused, troubled, and so many other things that I can't define! I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly. However, we all know that it doesn't. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. I have little control over my dreams. I'd like to fall into an eternal sleep and wake up to find all of the answers spread out before me in chronological order.
I just had a realization! One that I'm not sure how I feel about. Wow. Maybe writing and contemplating really works! Nya. We'll just put it all down to my personal genius and nothing else. ;) So I was thinking. My confusion started about two weeks ago. It didn't all come at once, but kept building like a ladder. As I was climbing higher and higher the ground was getting exponentially further and further away. It seems amazing to me how far I can get from the ground and still feel connected. What's funny is that I haven't been doing anything wrong. I've been making the right decisions when faced with funky problems. There's one thing that I've been missing though. Something that up until 2 weeks ago I'd been doing. This is going to sound preachy, are you ready for this?
I'd stopped reading my scriptures. I know, it sounds so foolish and so simple, but it is true. I mean, I usually would only read like 5 verses so it's hard to think that that actually made a difference. I haven't tested my theory out yet, but I have a feeling that I'm right. O the vainness and the frailties and the foolishness of men. *shakes head* I feel really foolish right now.
What do you know! writing and musing actually worked! Maybe I won't be so confused for the time being. Hmmf! I'm not even sure that I'm going to publish this! Ok maybe I will. Man I feel like a dork.
Peace!
I'd like to say that I used to think life was easy, but that would be lying. I try not to lie. Life has never been easy. Sure, it has had its moments of lucidity, but even then life was hard. Maybe that's what it is right now. Maybe I'm just going insane because of...nothing? I feel restless, resentment, tired, yearning, frustrated, sad, confused, troubled, and so many other things that I can't define! I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly. However, we all know that it doesn't. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. I have little control over my dreams. I'd like to fall into an eternal sleep and wake up to find all of the answers spread out before me in chronological order.
I just had a realization! One that I'm not sure how I feel about. Wow. Maybe writing and contemplating really works! Nya. We'll just put it all down to my personal genius and nothing else. ;) So I was thinking. My confusion started about two weeks ago. It didn't all come at once, but kept building like a ladder. As I was climbing higher and higher the ground was getting exponentially further and further away. It seems amazing to me how far I can get from the ground and still feel connected. What's funny is that I haven't been doing anything wrong. I've been making the right decisions when faced with funky problems. There's one thing that I've been missing though. Something that up until 2 weeks ago I'd been doing. This is going to sound preachy, are you ready for this?
I'd stopped reading my scriptures. I know, it sounds so foolish and so simple, but it is true. I mean, I usually would only read like 5 verses so it's hard to think that that actually made a difference. I haven't tested my theory out yet, but I have a feeling that I'm right. O the vainness and the frailties and the foolishness of men. *shakes head* I feel really foolish right now.
What do you know! writing and musing actually worked! Maybe I won't be so confused for the time being. Hmmf! I'm not even sure that I'm going to publish this! Ok maybe I will. Man I feel like a dork.
Peace!
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