Be ye warned. I speak now of religion, a place where confusion is a constant companion and faith an eternal witness.Through the ages and the movements of time, the Lord has called on many to spread his love and what many deem to be the truth. I am by no means well learned in the way of religions. I only really know the one that I practice, and in that, I still feel that I know so little. Sure I was raised with a constant religion in my life, but what does that really mean? Well, it could mean that I know the simple answers. Before we ever started life here, we came from a loving Father in Heaven who sent us here to be tested and tried. We have agency to choose to return. In a great dispute, satan argued that we would be better choiceless. We battled for the right to choose and evil was thrown away from the Kingdom of God. Never to attain a physical body, satan tries to make us fail, tempts us, and thus fits into the Lords plan. Another stepped forward and agrees to take away our sins by paying for them himself. Jesus Christ is born into this world where he shares a true witness of our Father. We are forgiven our sins by using prayer, a direct communication with God. We give 10% of all the things we earn, a sacrifice to return to the Lord a part of what he has given us. There are prophets in these days as there are in the scripture. Our Father wouldn't leave us without proper direction, he wants us back.
I have turned in my mission papers. Whoah! That's right! I'm willing to give the Lord the next year and a half of my life. I love Him and I want to share His gospel. I have a perfect knowledge of the truths that I have learned. Perfect knowledge is a weird phrase right? Wait, so I don't know everything, and I still have a perfect knowledge? How does that make sense? A perfect lack? Let me explain. To my understanding, to have a perfect knowledge is like being on a platform. Faith and Hope are the ladder you climb to get to it. So by building in my faith I continue to climb and to grow, until I no longer have faith and simple belief in the Gospel, but I KNOW of the truth. I don't believe, I know it.
A question I get a lot these days is if I'm anxious because I haven't received my call yet...and I'm not. That's right, I'm not anxious or worried or anything. I am content. I'm turning my life over to the Lord. It is in his hands now. So I'll get my call when he wants me to have it. What that means for my fate I really don't know. So in the meantime, I can prepare myself. I won't be the best one out in the field I'm sure, but I intend to be the best that I can be. It could be said, and truly so, that I am anxious to get out there and serve the Lord. But I'm not going on a mission for me, I'm going on one for the Lord and the souls that he would have me reach.
I will learn and I will grow. I will serve as the Lord will have me.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The power of a Dream
A simple thing, dreams. A series of images, sounds, and emotions that play across the mind in sleep. Scientifically this occurs during what is called REM Sleep or rapid eye movement sleep. It has been said that the time it takes to describe or relive the dream is about the length of the dream itself or close to. Through the centuries dreams have been used to perform healing, seek guidance, and receive divine inspiration. There have been many attempts to define dreams and what they really mean with no real success.
Are dreams suppressed parts of ourselves? Or are the characters representations of different personal aspects? The inanimate objects? Many ideas with no real answer.
Today's entry is not about finding an answer. It is about finding closure, and yet, I don't know if closure is even possible with this strange dream. It by no means is exceptionally strange or even remotely outlandish, just unfinished and somewhat tragic.
It all began on a sunny day. I was alone on a hike that was ranging the sides of a mountain and skirted around small lakes and large ponds. When I say alone, I mean I didn't have any friends with me. It was a very busy trail with lots of people, just none of them were mine. Sometimes the winding trail was nothing more than lumber fixed to the side of the mountain hanging over a lake. I didn't get to this part of the trail until much later, when I was running from him. Him? who is this Him? Even I'm not really sure. I could describe him to you in great detail.
He was an older man. Somewhere in his 50's. Average height of 5' 6". Silvery white hair brushed into a slight comb-over , not long and not disgusting. In fact it kept his face framed and it lightened the emotions that raced there. Eyes that were a steely gray. A nose slightly larger than normal, but well fitted to his face. He stood very tall and proud. He was dressed very well in clothes that were comfortable, and very obviously expensive. His skin has tanned and weathered from being outside often. Very, very, very I say over and again because this was a man exceptional in appearance and manner. He was rich and knew it. He showed the confidence of his wealth but I could see that something was wrong.
There was something missing from his life and he didn't know what it was. Of course, when I first started talking to him, I didn't know this. We met at the first of the hike when I had accidentally dropped my water bottle. It rolled away from me and he was the one who caught it and handed it back to me. I thanked him and started conversing with him as the hike began. It was a guided hike with a forest ranger at the lead.
I was curious about the man walking beside me. I had never met anyone like him before. It was strange. I can't really explain it, but there was a connection between us right from the very beginning.He was well versed in the world of books so we had a lot to talk about. Eventually we changed topics and ranged from books to food,different cultures, movies, and wild life. Never once did I ask him about his wealth or money. Somehow this intrigued him because at one point he brought it up wondering why I didn't ask.
I simply didn't care. Well, it was more that it was so obvious that I didn't feel that I needed to ask. He had money and I obviously didn't. Did it really matter. He was silent for a time as we continued hiking.
The next piece I remember of this dream.
The group has been stopped at a small clearing by a lake. The man and I have become very good friends. We are enjoying each others company at the back of the group and have gotten to the point where we are joking and teasing each other. He goes silent suddenly...He was looking away towards the lake, but that wasn't what he was seeing. Slowly, he turns back to face me and I wonder if he is all right. He has an expression in his eyes I hadn't seen yet and I didn't know what to expect. He is searching my face and can obviously see my faltering smile. Something is about to happen.
He leans closer to me and starts talking with a quieter voice.
"Do you think that certain events happen because of fate or because of men's own foolishness?" We had just been talking about natural disasters so my mind goes back to that. I look out to the lake and start thinking for my response when he leans in and kisses me. I move to pull myself away, but i just can't do it. A large part of me doesn't want to. Again, i can't really explain it. I knew that I should be upset about this forward advance, but I can't be. That connection we were both feeling was too powerful. Finally I break away from him and have to walk away. I'm trying to collect my thoughts but they are as elusive as catching a cloud. He walks up beside me.
"I would like you to stay with me. Be by my side. You are like no other woman I have ever known, and i don't want to lose you."
I am still so stunned from the kiss that this just about knocked me over. I turn towards him, questioning, and see that he is so sure of my answer that he isn't even looking at me. It looks for all the world as if he doesn't care. In fact, it looks to me that he has asked the question so many times before that hearing the same old answer has become boring to him. Who could deny this obviously wealthy man? Who would even dare? To be favored by him is a gift. I see this all in the way he is standing. It made me angry. I was just another in a long string of gems he wanted to add to his collection. Who better than a pretty little no body met on a hike in the middle of no where.
I say nothing.
My silence finally draws his gaze and he can see that he made a mistake in asking me that. Ice cold I tell him no and turn to walk away. He reaches out and grabs my arm asking me to wait so he can explain. All I hear in my haze of anger is NO. I look down at his hand and remove it. As I move to leave, again he stops me with a hand. This time, I cant shake his grip. He is incredibly strong and I begin to be afraid. While he had been kissing me, the group had moved on so it was only us in the clearing. I look at him. He is becoming sweaty and nervous. I pull away from him and start to run down the clearing. When I look over my shoulder I can see him running behind me. He doesn't want to let me go and I don't want to be caught.
I escape him in the mountains and manage to get away. During the course of the next year, he continues to follow me. I am in a constant state of movement. Eventually the states became too small a place to hide so I travel across the seas and find places to hide around the world. Somehow though, he manages to find me wherever I go. There are many times where we meet face to face and he tries to explain himself. At first I refused to hear. I would not become another useless pretty thing.
Slowly the words he manages to say when we meet start reaching me. Eventually I discover that he really doesn't have any one in his life. No wife and no children. He is alone in the world. His only friends the vultures seeking his money and favor. I begin to realize that the actions that day by the lake were the actions of a man so long alone that he no longer knew how to respond to real people.
I know these things sound strange, but in this dream, these were the answers plain and simple.
The chase across the world led to many strange and wonderful places. Eventually it all came to a close in a most remarkable place. It was an incredibly extravagant hotel with a singular attraction. It could serve any kind of drink imaginable to man if it were an American Cherry Coke or Yak milk. If you could think of it they had it, alcoholic or not. A strange place to end this adventure, but we were both becoming tired. We were at a standstill. Neither of us willing to change but neither of us willing to leave either.
We were becoming desperate, locked by internal struggle. Thankfully and saddly the answer was given to us and we only had to respond. All during my adventures around the world, I was being followed by two men. The second one being my father. I didn't even know he was searching for me. It makes sense, but it was a complete surprise when I walked out of a room to see both my dad and the man standing there. My dad didn't know that the man he was standing next to was the one who had chased me around the world. I didn't tell him. I ran to my dad and put my arms around him giving him a huge hug. He asked me if I was ready to go home, and I said yes.
I turned my gaze to the man only to see him walking away, once proud shoulders now curved forward in defeat. I almost ran to him then, but something held me back. Instead I turned with my dad to collect my things and finally return home. As we were leaving the building and driving away I turned to look back and saw the man standing on the curb with a folded piece of paper in his hand. He waved it a little almost looking like he was going to run after the car, but something stopped him. The last thing I saw was of him standing on the curb ignorant of the world around. It looked like he was trying to hold back tears and then we turned a corner, and I never saw him again.
I couldn't shake the feeling that the man still needed help even if he didn't know how to ask for it. He needed a friend. Someone in the world he could trust, who was sincere. He was alone and lost. I feel like I had been able to show him something of a sunny world, and then ripped it away from him by leaving. I know this sounds so strange, but the "chase" around the world was so much fun. It was a game we played. I would occasionally open the door of the room I was staying in, and I would find a ticket to some show, or a flyer of a tourist site. Occasionally, there would be hand drawn maps to an ancient ruin or a little known pizzeria. I would find places on my own as well, and somehow leave signs for him to find the stunning waterfall hidden only a few steps from the road. Then, the game ended and we were thrust back into a world both of us had been trying to escape from.
That was why we both were on that hike at the beginning. We were looking for something bigger than ourselves. Something away from the world. A piece of Heaven.
As my dream was coming to a close, I tried to stay asleep so I could write the man a letter. I needed to tell him that he really wasn't alone in the world. That he had a friend in me and in the very world around him. He didn't need to think of this world as a place to suffer through anymore. He could be happy. But I never did finish the letter, and I never did tell the man these things.
Somewhere wandering in my realm of dreams, there is an older man there, looking for answers, and maybe he found them without me telling him. I will never know. What are dreams anyway? Images, sound, and emotions that play across the sleeping mind. Not reality. So why do I feel so sad about a man created by my mind? I think he found happiness after the end. I hope he found happiness.
Are dreams suppressed parts of ourselves? Or are the characters representations of different personal aspects? The inanimate objects? Many ideas with no real answer.
Today's entry is not about finding an answer. It is about finding closure, and yet, I don't know if closure is even possible with this strange dream. It by no means is exceptionally strange or even remotely outlandish, just unfinished and somewhat tragic.
It all began on a sunny day. I was alone on a hike that was ranging the sides of a mountain and skirted around small lakes and large ponds. When I say alone, I mean I didn't have any friends with me. It was a very busy trail with lots of people, just none of them were mine. Sometimes the winding trail was nothing more than lumber fixed to the side of the mountain hanging over a lake. I didn't get to this part of the trail until much later, when I was running from him. Him? who is this Him? Even I'm not really sure. I could describe him to you in great detail.
He was an older man. Somewhere in his 50's. Average height of 5' 6". Silvery white hair brushed into a slight comb-over , not long and not disgusting. In fact it kept his face framed and it lightened the emotions that raced there. Eyes that were a steely gray. A nose slightly larger than normal, but well fitted to his face. He stood very tall and proud. He was dressed very well in clothes that were comfortable, and very obviously expensive. His skin has tanned and weathered from being outside often. Very, very, very I say over and again because this was a man exceptional in appearance and manner. He was rich and knew it. He showed the confidence of his wealth but I could see that something was wrong.
There was something missing from his life and he didn't know what it was. Of course, when I first started talking to him, I didn't know this. We met at the first of the hike when I had accidentally dropped my water bottle. It rolled away from me and he was the one who caught it and handed it back to me. I thanked him and started conversing with him as the hike began. It was a guided hike with a forest ranger at the lead.
I was curious about the man walking beside me. I had never met anyone like him before. It was strange. I can't really explain it, but there was a connection between us right from the very beginning.He was well versed in the world of books so we had a lot to talk about. Eventually we changed topics and ranged from books to food,different cultures, movies, and wild life. Never once did I ask him about his wealth or money. Somehow this intrigued him because at one point he brought it up wondering why I didn't ask.
I simply didn't care. Well, it was more that it was so obvious that I didn't feel that I needed to ask. He had money and I obviously didn't. Did it really matter. He was silent for a time as we continued hiking.
The next piece I remember of this dream.
The group has been stopped at a small clearing by a lake. The man and I have become very good friends. We are enjoying each others company at the back of the group and have gotten to the point where we are joking and teasing each other. He goes silent suddenly...He was looking away towards the lake, but that wasn't what he was seeing. Slowly, he turns back to face me and I wonder if he is all right. He has an expression in his eyes I hadn't seen yet and I didn't know what to expect. He is searching my face and can obviously see my faltering smile. Something is about to happen.
He leans closer to me and starts talking with a quieter voice.
"Do you think that certain events happen because of fate or because of men's own foolishness?" We had just been talking about natural disasters so my mind goes back to that. I look out to the lake and start thinking for my response when he leans in and kisses me. I move to pull myself away, but i just can't do it. A large part of me doesn't want to. Again, i can't really explain it. I knew that I should be upset about this forward advance, but I can't be. That connection we were both feeling was too powerful. Finally I break away from him and have to walk away. I'm trying to collect my thoughts but they are as elusive as catching a cloud. He walks up beside me.
"I would like you to stay with me. Be by my side. You are like no other woman I have ever known, and i don't want to lose you."
I am still so stunned from the kiss that this just about knocked me over. I turn towards him, questioning, and see that he is so sure of my answer that he isn't even looking at me. It looks for all the world as if he doesn't care. In fact, it looks to me that he has asked the question so many times before that hearing the same old answer has become boring to him. Who could deny this obviously wealthy man? Who would even dare? To be favored by him is a gift. I see this all in the way he is standing. It made me angry. I was just another in a long string of gems he wanted to add to his collection. Who better than a pretty little no body met on a hike in the middle of no where.
I say nothing.
My silence finally draws his gaze and he can see that he made a mistake in asking me that. Ice cold I tell him no and turn to walk away. He reaches out and grabs my arm asking me to wait so he can explain. All I hear in my haze of anger is NO. I look down at his hand and remove it. As I move to leave, again he stops me with a hand. This time, I cant shake his grip. He is incredibly strong and I begin to be afraid. While he had been kissing me, the group had moved on so it was only us in the clearing. I look at him. He is becoming sweaty and nervous. I pull away from him and start to run down the clearing. When I look over my shoulder I can see him running behind me. He doesn't want to let me go and I don't want to be caught.
I escape him in the mountains and manage to get away. During the course of the next year, he continues to follow me. I am in a constant state of movement. Eventually the states became too small a place to hide so I travel across the seas and find places to hide around the world. Somehow though, he manages to find me wherever I go. There are many times where we meet face to face and he tries to explain himself. At first I refused to hear. I would not become another useless pretty thing.
Slowly the words he manages to say when we meet start reaching me. Eventually I discover that he really doesn't have any one in his life. No wife and no children. He is alone in the world. His only friends the vultures seeking his money and favor. I begin to realize that the actions that day by the lake were the actions of a man so long alone that he no longer knew how to respond to real people.
I know these things sound strange, but in this dream, these were the answers plain and simple.
The chase across the world led to many strange and wonderful places. Eventually it all came to a close in a most remarkable place. It was an incredibly extravagant hotel with a singular attraction. It could serve any kind of drink imaginable to man if it were an American Cherry Coke or Yak milk. If you could think of it they had it, alcoholic or not. A strange place to end this adventure, but we were both becoming tired. We were at a standstill. Neither of us willing to change but neither of us willing to leave either.
We were becoming desperate, locked by internal struggle. Thankfully and saddly the answer was given to us and we only had to respond. All during my adventures around the world, I was being followed by two men. The second one being my father. I didn't even know he was searching for me. It makes sense, but it was a complete surprise when I walked out of a room to see both my dad and the man standing there. My dad didn't know that the man he was standing next to was the one who had chased me around the world. I didn't tell him. I ran to my dad and put my arms around him giving him a huge hug. He asked me if I was ready to go home, and I said yes.
I turned my gaze to the man only to see him walking away, once proud shoulders now curved forward in defeat. I almost ran to him then, but something held me back. Instead I turned with my dad to collect my things and finally return home. As we were leaving the building and driving away I turned to look back and saw the man standing on the curb with a folded piece of paper in his hand. He waved it a little almost looking like he was going to run after the car, but something stopped him. The last thing I saw was of him standing on the curb ignorant of the world around. It looked like he was trying to hold back tears and then we turned a corner, and I never saw him again.
I couldn't shake the feeling that the man still needed help even if he didn't know how to ask for it. He needed a friend. Someone in the world he could trust, who was sincere. He was alone and lost. I feel like I had been able to show him something of a sunny world, and then ripped it away from him by leaving. I know this sounds so strange, but the "chase" around the world was so much fun. It was a game we played. I would occasionally open the door of the room I was staying in, and I would find a ticket to some show, or a flyer of a tourist site. Occasionally, there would be hand drawn maps to an ancient ruin or a little known pizzeria. I would find places on my own as well, and somehow leave signs for him to find the stunning waterfall hidden only a few steps from the road. Then, the game ended and we were thrust back into a world both of us had been trying to escape from.
That was why we both were on that hike at the beginning. We were looking for something bigger than ourselves. Something away from the world. A piece of Heaven.
As my dream was coming to a close, I tried to stay asleep so I could write the man a letter. I needed to tell him that he really wasn't alone in the world. That he had a friend in me and in the very world around him. He didn't need to think of this world as a place to suffer through anymore. He could be happy. But I never did finish the letter, and I never did tell the man these things.
Somewhere wandering in my realm of dreams, there is an older man there, looking for answers, and maybe he found them without me telling him. I will never know. What are dreams anyway? Images, sound, and emotions that play across the sleeping mind. Not reality. So why do I feel so sad about a man created by my mind? I think he found happiness after the end. I hope he found happiness.
Friday, March 19, 2010
hooray!
So I don't know why it is, (okay I really do) but I just haven't wanted to write lately. I guess since I know why I haven't been writing, I should state that I don't know what got me back into it. It could be the music that I am currently listening to. Or it could be an accumulation of the past few days. Let's just say that spring break can be compared to the mana of the gods. It totally restores any lost or degenerating cells and makes you feel more than human again. I can very safely say that I am feeling really good about life. I really wish I could share the music I'm listening to with you, it truly is epic. With a sense of yearning offset by a feeling of adventure and with movement balanced by an intricate weave of instruments...Truly a beautiful sound.
So, here's the reason I haven't been writing. Well, one of the reasons anyway. Here is the story that I've been avoiding and have been trying to work through...
I have a new friend. His name is Jorge. I met him at school and we became pretty good friends. Turns out we both had similar schedules for school in Orem. I need a ride down every other day, and he's willing to give me one. By the time I ask him if I can hitch a ride with him I've already gotten to know him enough to trust him with my well being. All is going well and dandy. At the time I started getting rides from him I was in a vulnerable state. My boyfriend had just left for his mission not too long before this and I was still struggling with it. I was honestly quite pathetic. Because of this time I ended up giving myself a new nick name. They call me Gimp. As stated in the dictionary...gimp=a person who limps; lame person.
This is what I had become. I tried my hardest to function normally, but ended up failing more often then naught. So in this state of weakness, along comes some person who doesn't really know me and is willing to listen to my problems and have random conversations with me. I put my trust in him. He became my confidant and a loyal friend. Truly, it was what I needed. Then things started to go wrong little by little, precept upon precept. I was ending up spending quite a lot of time with this guy. This was bad.
He started making approaches on me and was laying it on really thick. For a time I was sorely tempted by this idea of being in a relationship. It is such a comfort to be in a relationship and know that there is someone who will be there for you. So I toyed with the notion for quite a while. I thought and prayed really hard about it and decided that it wasn't what I wanted in life. So i told him no and he told me that he could accept that. He said it was better far to still be my friend than not know me at all. I expected him to keep his word with it and trusted him to understand.
He didn't. In fact he kkept pursuing me and I didn't know what to do. I was almost okay with his behavior, but then he took advantage of my sleeping self and kissed me on the lips. :/ In this, I was not well pleased. Something obviosly needed to happen. So I totally cut off all communication with him so that he would finally understand the point. Although I felt very strongly about this and his treatment of me, and even though I was really really mad at him. I couldn't do it. It was really really hard not communicating with him and it ended up hurting me because I just don't do those kinds of things. This was of course after 3 weeks of absolutely no communication with him. So I prayed, and the answer I got was to start over. When that thought came to me, my soul was able to settle and I could feel comfortable again.
So now I am trying my best to pretend like he's some random stranger from class. We're slowly getting to know eachother again. If he does anything too fast or seems to have a knowledge of me more than I've told him about myself in the past two weeks, I shut down. This way I remind him that I am a totaly stranger to him and that he can't push his luck with me.
I'm sure that it seems like a strange idea, but it's been working really well for me. Sometimes my earlier issues come back into mind, but then I "forget" them and move on. The way I figure it is that I can't expect our Heavenly Father to love and forgive me if I can't do it for others. The phrase kept coming to my mind of "what would Jesus do?" childish in its simplicity, yet ground breaking in its potential. Although Jesus probably wouldn't even be in this situation, I feel comfortable that I've made the correct decision.
It has been an interesting and rather long series of weeks. Things are looking good though. My world doesn't revolve around him so my life is amazingly beautiful. When I remember the love of the Lord for me, I feel comforted and content. I love my Father in Heaven and am so gratefull for his love for me. I know that with his guidance and protection I can do anything and become anyone.
So far, my plan is working really well. If he gets anywhere to an uncomfortable level for me, I have the power to shut him out again and continue with my own life. He doesn't have to be a part of it. I have the power of choice.
Hahaha. I fell asleep whil writing this all up. I'm going to bed. ^-^
Oyasuminasai!
So, here's the reason I haven't been writing. Well, one of the reasons anyway. Here is the story that I've been avoiding and have been trying to work through...
I have a new friend. His name is Jorge. I met him at school and we became pretty good friends. Turns out we both had similar schedules for school in Orem. I need a ride down every other day, and he's willing to give me one. By the time I ask him if I can hitch a ride with him I've already gotten to know him enough to trust him with my well being. All is going well and dandy. At the time I started getting rides from him I was in a vulnerable state. My boyfriend had just left for his mission not too long before this and I was still struggling with it. I was honestly quite pathetic. Because of this time I ended up giving myself a new nick name. They call me Gimp. As stated in the dictionary...gimp=a person who limps; lame person.
This is what I had become. I tried my hardest to function normally, but ended up failing more often then naught. So in this state of weakness, along comes some person who doesn't really know me and is willing to listen to my problems and have random conversations with me. I put my trust in him. He became my confidant and a loyal friend. Truly, it was what I needed. Then things started to go wrong little by little, precept upon precept. I was ending up spending quite a lot of time with this guy. This was bad.
He started making approaches on me and was laying it on really thick. For a time I was sorely tempted by this idea of being in a relationship. It is such a comfort to be in a relationship and know that there is someone who will be there for you. So I toyed with the notion for quite a while. I thought and prayed really hard about it and decided that it wasn't what I wanted in life. So i told him no and he told me that he could accept that. He said it was better far to still be my friend than not know me at all. I expected him to keep his word with it and trusted him to understand.
He didn't. In fact he kkept pursuing me and I didn't know what to do. I was almost okay with his behavior, but then he took advantage of my sleeping self and kissed me on the lips. :/ In this, I was not well pleased. Something obviosly needed to happen. So I totally cut off all communication with him so that he would finally understand the point. Although I felt very strongly about this and his treatment of me, and even though I was really really mad at him. I couldn't do it. It was really really hard not communicating with him and it ended up hurting me because I just don't do those kinds of things. This was of course after 3 weeks of absolutely no communication with him. So I prayed, and the answer I got was to start over. When that thought came to me, my soul was able to settle and I could feel comfortable again.
So now I am trying my best to pretend like he's some random stranger from class. We're slowly getting to know eachother again. If he does anything too fast or seems to have a knowledge of me more than I've told him about myself in the past two weeks, I shut down. This way I remind him that I am a totaly stranger to him and that he can't push his luck with me.
I'm sure that it seems like a strange idea, but it's been working really well for me. Sometimes my earlier issues come back into mind, but then I "forget" them and move on. The way I figure it is that I can't expect our Heavenly Father to love and forgive me if I can't do it for others. The phrase kept coming to my mind of "what would Jesus do?" childish in its simplicity, yet ground breaking in its potential. Although Jesus probably wouldn't even be in this situation, I feel comfortable that I've made the correct decision.
It has been an interesting and rather long series of weeks. Things are looking good though. My world doesn't revolve around him so my life is amazingly beautiful. When I remember the love of the Lord for me, I feel comforted and content. I love my Father in Heaven and am so gratefull for his love for me. I know that with his guidance and protection I can do anything and become anyone.
So far, my plan is working really well. If he gets anywhere to an uncomfortable level for me, I have the power to shut him out again and continue with my own life. He doesn't have to be a part of it. I have the power of choice.
Hahaha. I fell asleep whil writing this all up. I'm going to bed. ^-^
Oyasuminasai!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
soooooooo tireeeeddd
Ok, so I really really want to update and share the story of my last week, but I am so tired that I haven't done anything for the past hour but stare at a blank computer screen. Seriously. I need sleep. I believe that the synapses in my brain are beginning to fry around the edges and are really slow in responding. Oh life. Oh dear. going to bed at 1 average everynight for two weeks and waking up at 7 every morning is a really really bad idea.
Bed! It calls my name and for once, I will respond before midnight.
Oyasuminasai!
Bed! It calls my name and for once, I will respond before midnight.
Oyasuminasai!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
saved again!
Blah! I have been so overly emotional the days of late. And now, I think that I have finally found some peace. I deeply apologize to anyone I have inconvenienced and who i might have freaked out within the last two weeks. I don't really have an explanation. So, I'm sorry. I would like to thank those who have stood by me and helped me out. Yes, that would be YOU Kyle (who doesn't even know of the existence of this blog). By giving me a ride to school tomorrow, you have saved me. Thank you. Thank you.
Oyasuminasai! (goodnight)
...
and by that I mean that I am going to continue working on homework until my eyes go cross-eyed. It's a rather curious sensation.
Oyasuminasai! (goodnight)
...
and by that I mean that I am going to continue working on homework until my eyes go cross-eyed. It's a rather curious sensation.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Relaxing
Today was a nice relaxing day of attending church, going to choir practice, eating dinner with family and a friend, and working on homework. It doesn't get much easier than that. A good day all told. I am now 1/4th done with my drawing assignment. Now I just have to draw the leaf 3 more times. I'll upload pictures as soon as I take them. ^-^
For now, oyasuminasai (goodnight)
For now, oyasuminasai (goodnight)
BANISHED!!!
Are you ready for this adventure? I don't think you are! Strap yourselves in and prepare yourself for a tale of danger, treachery, and solid friendships.
It all began as a normal day. Well, normal for me. Get up at 7/7:30 ish, get ready for day. Go to play practice, dance and sing. Return home to do homework/take a nap. Go to work. Not that bad a day, right? To answer my own question, yes.
I guess it really all began at work. I get there and see who else I get to work with, and I'm kind of excited! It looks like it's going to be a good day. Lots of fun people to work with. And then...THEY came. That's right. We actually had costomers today! Ok, not just a few here and there like it has been of late. I mean they CAME!.
Let me 'esplain.
the dining room was entirely full and people kept coming for a good solid 3 hours... There were at best two people on tills. At best, there were two people putting orders together. At best, there were 3 people in shakes. There was not a moment to rest! The people just kept coming! As soon as we'd somewhat recover from the previous group, another 10 would walk in! Then another 8, and 6, and 2, and 4, and another 8.
I was one of the fortunate ones on orders. My companion in arms was Ian. I love working with that kid! He gets a bad rep only because his mind is moving too fast to pay attention to what he is doing sometimes. Not today. Today, he was my trusty sidekick and managed to stay on top of the orders. We were like a perfect precision machine. I would ask him to make kidsmeals and he would do them. He would ask for a bag/sauce and I'd hand it to him. We both knew the status of all our orders. Which ones needed cheesburgers and which ones were waiting on fries. It was pretty great! It was still increadibly stressfull as well. I was quite literally running everywhere.
It was going really well, but I was still getting really stressed out. And then, came Marci...Do I really need to finish that idea? I feel that I am safe in saying this here, because you are all people I trust. Marci is a Diva. The world revolves around her. At this point Ian has left to do garbages (which only men can do?) and I find myself alone on orders. My stress level was getting pretty high. At any given time I had about 8 orders to deal with. I was running again. The shake tickets are piling up and I'm struggling to get the orders out in a timely manner.
We keep calling to the back for help, but no one responds. When they do it is only to yell at us that there is no one back there...wait, what? Then who was that yelling? Anyway, we are all going full force and Marci finally comes out to help. She comes over to orders. I have orders under control. I mean, sure it probably looks bad having only me there with 8 orders, but I can manage it. See, I only mention this because I could see that shakes were struggling something fierce.
Marci starts going into some life story where some guy was treating her wrong, or was stalking her or something. I don't really care. I don't say that, but I am ignoring her. I'm a little short in my answers to her because I am focused and busy and don't care. She senses this just like a shark senses blood in the water. Instead of understanding that I was stressed because of work and school, she asks me why I'm mad at HER... I wasn't mad at her! I also didn't feel like expounding my life story to her and giving her the real reasons I'm stressed. So I tell her that I am tired. Good enough right?
Nope, she has to top it off by telling me she took the ACT this morning. I'd just like to know, what the heck did that have to do with anything?! I think she was making the hint that she was tired too because she had to get up early for a test. I didn't feel like informing her that I'd been up since 7:30 and had been dancing/singing for 4 hours. "Whoopdidoo, you took the ACT! Congratulations." I tell her in a slightly sarcastic way... Ok, it was increadibly sarcastic. Now it's true, I should have treated her with a little more respect, but I really didn't care that she took a long test. She's been in the back goofing around while I've been working my butt off. I know this because I have had to get things from the back because we ran out in front.
She gets very upset and refuses to talk to me after that. I am totally cool with that. Ian comes back to help and Marci ditches and speedily goes to her mother. Did I forget to mention this? Marci is the daughter of one of the managers and the grandaughter of the original owners. That's right, she has special privaleges because of this. I happen to glance over and see Marci yelling and pointing in a very angry manner in my general direction. She's not very happy, too bad. For a moment, I am worried that I might possibly lose my job in that very moment. Then I see her mom's reaction. It looked something like...
Settle down Marci, go away and stop bothering me. I don't care what you think Lauren is saying she's working hard.
Ok, so I don't really know what was being said, so I am still a little fearful for my job. I decide that the best way to retaliate and keep my job is to put on the cheesiest and happiest face/attitude you could imagine. And they buy it! Honestly, I felt like I was seriously going to break down. I am BUKKO stressed. Before I hit the breaking point I get increadibly polite. So, I am being really nice to her even though I know full well she is stabbing me in the back as we speak. Of course she complains to every one. People (and by people I mean Trevor, another worker there who I have stories with) starts talking all about how people out front need to all take a chill pill...we make eye contact. I smile at him and he looks away.
People start mentioning how happy and bouncy I am. I'll admit, I was a little confused. Inside, my stomach has churned and harddned into a solid knot because I am so angry. Marci is trying her best to get me fired.
This did not make me happy.
She throws away my shake knowing full well that it was mine. When I return for it and ask people if they knew what happened, she yells from across the room that she doesn't know what happened...right...Oh! and she asks me why I didn't finish it while I was eating. Since when was that a rule?! I didn't believe it for a second! I had paid for that with my own money and she had the gull to throw that away! I made myself a new one and made sure to enjoy every moment of it, in case she decided to try that trick again.
This did not make me happy.
I continue grinning and joking with everyone though. I had a few people come up and warn me that Marci has a "beef" against me. By this point I don't care. Her mom and I had a moment and between she and I things were resolved. In fact, her mom seems to pity me and has totally taken my side. In fact, she keeps trying to send Marci home! Marci refuses to go. Absolutely point blank refuses. So, she continues to stir up misery and strife where there really isn't any.
Marci becomes the "List Nazi" and is telling everyone what to do. She takes on this title herself and is increadibly rude! She never says please and she doesn't use names unless she really wants them to do something. So we have been reduced to "hey you, girl, and boy" depending on the situation. That's right friends! I no longer have a name! Then she banishes me to dining room.
In this, I was well pleased.
I work my tail off in dining room wiping tables down, filling napkins, filling lids, filling straws, and sweeping. I do my job well and efficiently. This older couple has been watching me this entire time. I can feel their eyes on me, but I don't let it affect my work. As they are leaving, our paths cross and the woman stops me and tells me what a hard worker I am and that I was doing a marvelous job. I wasn't expecting this at all, so I start grinning even bigger. It's nice to be complimented for the work that you are doing. Then she asks me if I am a member of the family, if I'm a grandaughter. :D When I tell her that I'm not and that I'm just a regular employee she gets this really suprised look on her face and congratulates me again on a job well done.
I'd say that's a pretty good end to the night. Later I find out how hard Marci was trying to get me fired. She openly states it to her mother that I should be fired because "Nobody likes her anyway" I have it from a few first hand accounts that people stood up and said that they liked me. In this I am well pleased. Then as she was telling her mother of our little, and I use that in the smallest way possible, disagreement, she is of course blowing things way out of preportion. Again, I am saved from certain firing by a friend. Thank you dear Heather for saving me. Heather speaks up because she witnessed the entire exchange and lays out the facts as they happened. Hooray for friends!
And yeah, that was my night at work. Can I just say...I really REALLY REALLY need to get another job. I have a feeling that I might commit manslaughter otherwise, and in that I would be unhappy.
Hopefully tomorrow wont be so adventurous. *fingers crossed*
It all began as a normal day. Well, normal for me. Get up at 7/7:30 ish, get ready for day. Go to play practice, dance and sing. Return home to do homework/take a nap. Go to work. Not that bad a day, right? To answer my own question, yes.
I guess it really all began at work. I get there and see who else I get to work with, and I'm kind of excited! It looks like it's going to be a good day. Lots of fun people to work with. And then...THEY came. That's right. We actually had costomers today! Ok, not just a few here and there like it has been of late. I mean they CAME!.
Let me 'esplain.
the dining room was entirely full and people kept coming for a good solid 3 hours... There were at best two people on tills. At best, there were two people putting orders together. At best, there were 3 people in shakes. There was not a moment to rest! The people just kept coming! As soon as we'd somewhat recover from the previous group, another 10 would walk in! Then another 8, and 6, and 2, and 4, and another 8.
I was one of the fortunate ones on orders. My companion in arms was Ian. I love working with that kid! He gets a bad rep only because his mind is moving too fast to pay attention to what he is doing sometimes. Not today. Today, he was my trusty sidekick and managed to stay on top of the orders. We were like a perfect precision machine. I would ask him to make kidsmeals and he would do them. He would ask for a bag/sauce and I'd hand it to him. We both knew the status of all our orders. Which ones needed cheesburgers and which ones were waiting on fries. It was pretty great! It was still increadibly stressfull as well. I was quite literally running everywhere.
It was going really well, but I was still getting really stressed out. And then, came Marci...Do I really need to finish that idea? I feel that I am safe in saying this here, because you are all people I trust. Marci is a Diva. The world revolves around her. At this point Ian has left to do garbages (which only men can do?) and I find myself alone on orders. My stress level was getting pretty high. At any given time I had about 8 orders to deal with. I was running again. The shake tickets are piling up and I'm struggling to get the orders out in a timely manner.
We keep calling to the back for help, but no one responds. When they do it is only to yell at us that there is no one back there...wait, what? Then who was that yelling? Anyway, we are all going full force and Marci finally comes out to help. She comes over to orders. I have orders under control. I mean, sure it probably looks bad having only me there with 8 orders, but I can manage it. See, I only mention this because I could see that shakes were struggling something fierce.
Marci starts going into some life story where some guy was treating her wrong, or was stalking her or something. I don't really care. I don't say that, but I am ignoring her. I'm a little short in my answers to her because I am focused and busy and don't care. She senses this just like a shark senses blood in the water. Instead of understanding that I was stressed because of work and school, she asks me why I'm mad at HER... I wasn't mad at her! I also didn't feel like expounding my life story to her and giving her the real reasons I'm stressed. So I tell her that I am tired. Good enough right?
Nope, she has to top it off by telling me she took the ACT this morning. I'd just like to know, what the heck did that have to do with anything?! I think she was making the hint that she was tired too because she had to get up early for a test. I didn't feel like informing her that I'd been up since 7:30 and had been dancing/singing for 4 hours. "Whoopdidoo, you took the ACT! Congratulations." I tell her in a slightly sarcastic way... Ok, it was increadibly sarcastic. Now it's true, I should have treated her with a little more respect, but I really didn't care that she took a long test. She's been in the back goofing around while I've been working my butt off. I know this because I have had to get things from the back because we ran out in front.
She gets very upset and refuses to talk to me after that. I am totally cool with that. Ian comes back to help and Marci ditches and speedily goes to her mother. Did I forget to mention this? Marci is the daughter of one of the managers and the grandaughter of the original owners. That's right, she has special privaleges because of this. I happen to glance over and see Marci yelling and pointing in a very angry manner in my general direction. She's not very happy, too bad. For a moment, I am worried that I might possibly lose my job in that very moment. Then I see her mom's reaction. It looked something like...
Settle down Marci, go away and stop bothering me. I don't care what you think Lauren is saying she's working hard.
Ok, so I don't really know what was being said, so I am still a little fearful for my job. I decide that the best way to retaliate and keep my job is to put on the cheesiest and happiest face/attitude you could imagine. And they buy it! Honestly, I felt like I was seriously going to break down. I am BUKKO stressed. Before I hit the breaking point I get increadibly polite. So, I am being really nice to her even though I know full well she is stabbing me in the back as we speak. Of course she complains to every one. People (and by people I mean Trevor, another worker there who I have stories with) starts talking all about how people out front need to all take a chill pill...we make eye contact. I smile at him and he looks away.
People start mentioning how happy and bouncy I am. I'll admit, I was a little confused. Inside, my stomach has churned and harddned into a solid knot because I am so angry. Marci is trying her best to get me fired.
This did not make me happy.
She throws away my shake knowing full well that it was mine. When I return for it and ask people if they knew what happened, she yells from across the room that she doesn't know what happened...right...Oh! and she asks me why I didn't finish it while I was eating. Since when was that a rule?! I didn't believe it for a second! I had paid for that with my own money and she had the gull to throw that away! I made myself a new one and made sure to enjoy every moment of it, in case she decided to try that trick again.
This did not make me happy.
I continue grinning and joking with everyone though. I had a few people come up and warn me that Marci has a "beef" against me. By this point I don't care. Her mom and I had a moment and between she and I things were resolved. In fact, her mom seems to pity me and has totally taken my side. In fact, she keeps trying to send Marci home! Marci refuses to go. Absolutely point blank refuses. So, she continues to stir up misery and strife where there really isn't any.
Marci becomes the "List Nazi" and is telling everyone what to do. She takes on this title herself and is increadibly rude! She never says please and she doesn't use names unless she really wants them to do something. So we have been reduced to "hey you, girl, and boy" depending on the situation. That's right friends! I no longer have a name! Then she banishes me to dining room.
In this, I was well pleased.
I work my tail off in dining room wiping tables down, filling napkins, filling lids, filling straws, and sweeping. I do my job well and efficiently. This older couple has been watching me this entire time. I can feel their eyes on me, but I don't let it affect my work. As they are leaving, our paths cross and the woman stops me and tells me what a hard worker I am and that I was doing a marvelous job. I wasn't expecting this at all, so I start grinning even bigger. It's nice to be complimented for the work that you are doing. Then she asks me if I am a member of the family, if I'm a grandaughter. :D When I tell her that I'm not and that I'm just a regular employee she gets this really suprised look on her face and congratulates me again on a job well done.
I'd say that's a pretty good end to the night. Later I find out how hard Marci was trying to get me fired. She openly states it to her mother that I should be fired because "Nobody likes her anyway" I have it from a few first hand accounts that people stood up and said that they liked me. In this I am well pleased. Then as she was telling her mother of our little, and I use that in the smallest way possible, disagreement, she is of course blowing things way out of preportion. Again, I am saved from certain firing by a friend. Thank you dear Heather for saving me. Heather speaks up because she witnessed the entire exchange and lays out the facts as they happened. Hooray for friends!
And yeah, that was my night at work. Can I just say...I really REALLY REALLY need to get another job. I have a feeling that I might commit manslaughter otherwise, and in that I would be unhappy.
Hopefully tomorrow wont be so adventurous. *fingers crossed*
Friday, February 5, 2010
clear up
So, I feel that I need to clear something up. It struck me that as I expressed my maddness the other day, I might have given the impression that these events have all happened recently. I would like to make the note that these things started occuring sometime halfway through last semester and that the most recent event actually occured 2 weeks ago at least.
I would also like to note that I do in fact love my friends and have appreciated all of the help that they have given me. I am not an easy person to deal with sometimes, so I would just like to thank you all. See, the only people who would possibly read this are the people who I truly care about and the people that care about me. Every single one of you has helped me so much and sometimes you may not know the impact that you have had on my life.
I'm just such a panzy sometimes that I have a hard time expressing my thanks. Talking to anyone in general usually strikes me with terror, especially when I'm trying to talk about myself. So thank you for listening. I hate telling people about my problems because I know that everyone has their own set of problems and I hate adding to them. Although I have been sadly lacking in this area, please, feel free to talk to me. I'd rather deal with your problems any day. ;) I miss all of you my friends. I'm sorry I'm such a panzy.
I would also like to note that I do in fact love my friends and have appreciated all of the help that they have given me. I am not an easy person to deal with sometimes, so I would just like to thank you all. See, the only people who would possibly read this are the people who I truly care about and the people that care about me. Every single one of you has helped me so much and sometimes you may not know the impact that you have had on my life.
I'm just such a panzy sometimes that I have a hard time expressing my thanks. Talking to anyone in general usually strikes me with terror, especially when I'm trying to talk about myself. So thank you for listening. I hate telling people about my problems because I know that everyone has their own set of problems and I hate adding to them. Although I have been sadly lacking in this area, please, feel free to talk to me. I'd rather deal with your problems any day. ;) I miss all of you my friends. I'm sorry I'm such a panzy.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
What I had meant to bring up LAST time
So, I have determined to update my blog every day, even if it is just a quick little something. I mean, I have this thing set up, I may as well use it right?
Well, I do have one story to share, and I guess this is an adventure, but one I would rather do without. I mentioned in my previous update that there is a guy who is persuing me. It's not really that big a deal except that he seems to have a REALLY hard time understanding the concept of NO.
For the past semester and a half, I've been getting rides with this guy down to Orem for school. He arranges his schedule so that he is in my drawing class, and he convices me to join his sculpting class. At the time of convising, he wasn't quite so...what's the phrase? Well, he was able to keep his interest hidden better. I also really just enjoyed the teacher so I ended up getting into the class.
It can be a long ride from Heber to Orem and back again (that sounds like it could be a book title) so we end up talking a lot. I tell him my life story, he tells me his. As it turns out, we get along really well. He's a very superstitious character and highly believes that as a dragon he gets along with me very well because I am a snake. These are according to the Chinese Zodiac. Although I do enjoy reading up on my daily horroscopes every once in a while, that doesn't mean that I believe that my fate is dictated by these.
So, he starts to present arguments showing how well we get along and then he starts mentioning how he is an awesome guy and a real catch. I remind him of the fact that I currently have a boyfriend and he responds saying that he isn't the "jeaolous type" I tell him that I am going on a mission and can't afford any distractions. He doesn't understand but agrees to let me be. Not even a week later he is back again asking for my attention. It's starting to get to the point that I say no and he backs off for about a minute, then he's back again. >,<
Finally, I am sick of it. He keeps telling me that he cares for me and that he'd care for me. Great. I don't want him to! I see him as a friend, but I feel that slowly dwindling off into a nemesis.
Ok, so here's the part where I come clean. I considered it. For about a week I seriously considered what would happen if I were to get into a relationship with him. It is an incredibly tempting idea to let yourself be adored by someone. I thought long and hard about it, prayed, fasted, the whole shebang. Finally I decided that I really didn't want this with him. It's just so very very tempting to have someone who tells you that they care about you, let care about you. It has been so hard living without Seth constantly reminding me of his love. But that's just it. The only reason I even considered this with my friend, is because of how much I miss Seth. I know that doesn't really make too much sense, but that is how I felt. I had found someone with a fraction of the love Seth had for me, and it was so very tempting to accept that. I miss it, okay?
So, I tell him so and give him an ultimatum. Because he has seemed to forget all of my previous responses and because I can't having him continue to play these games with me, I decide that it is time for all of this to come to an end. Either he accepts my decision, or I am no longer his friend. Needless to say, I have been finding different people to ride with to Orem. Now I only see him during the classes that we both have.This has helped a LOT. But that isn't really why I'm writing all of this today. If that had really been the end of it, I wouldn't be telling you this pathetic story.
No. The real reason I am writing this is because he asks me the other day if I would be his valentine...
...
...
...
This maddens me to no end! I refuse outright and have been ignoring him since. Since the classes we share are art classes, it is actually very easy to avoid him entirely. I have a core group of friends that I made in each class and hang out with them. Today he asks me what is wrong and I tell him exactly what it is. I had given him an ultimatum before and I was sticking with it. I bring up the valentine thing and he says that he was just joking...right...I totally believe that... :P I feel like kicking him in the head, but instead I remind him of my ultimatum and tell him that he no longer has the right to joke about such things. I have too much school and work and other things to worry about without having him and his stupid little sarcasms to take up space in my mind.
He puts on this little look and says okay, and that he "understands". Where was his understanding earlier when I started telling him to lay off? I'll tell you where, it was nonexistent. An empty set as it were. Oh, I don't believe that I mentioned he is 13 years older than me. Yep, and he has a 6 year old son who is currently living with the mother.
I have determined that I shall keep silence with him unless he asks me direct questions, and then I shall keep the answers short. This treatment shall continue until I feel that he finally understands what the word NO means.
Geh, these things make me so tired. -_- Go away, go away, don't come back another day.
Well, I do have one story to share, and I guess this is an adventure, but one I would rather do without. I mentioned in my previous update that there is a guy who is persuing me. It's not really that big a deal except that he seems to have a REALLY hard time understanding the concept of NO.
For the past semester and a half, I've been getting rides with this guy down to Orem for school. He arranges his schedule so that he is in my drawing class, and he convices me to join his sculpting class. At the time of convising, he wasn't quite so...what's the phrase? Well, he was able to keep his interest hidden better. I also really just enjoyed the teacher so I ended up getting into the class.
It can be a long ride from Heber to Orem and back again (that sounds like it could be a book title) so we end up talking a lot. I tell him my life story, he tells me his. As it turns out, we get along really well. He's a very superstitious character and highly believes that as a dragon he gets along with me very well because I am a snake. These are according to the Chinese Zodiac. Although I do enjoy reading up on my daily horroscopes every once in a while, that doesn't mean that I believe that my fate is dictated by these.
So, he starts to present arguments showing how well we get along and then he starts mentioning how he is an awesome guy and a real catch. I remind him of the fact that I currently have a boyfriend and he responds saying that he isn't the "jeaolous type" I tell him that I am going on a mission and can't afford any distractions. He doesn't understand but agrees to let me be. Not even a week later he is back again asking for my attention. It's starting to get to the point that I say no and he backs off for about a minute, then he's back again. >,<
Finally, I am sick of it. He keeps telling me that he cares for me and that he'd care for me. Great. I don't want him to! I see him as a friend, but I feel that slowly dwindling off into a nemesis.
Ok, so here's the part where I come clean. I considered it. For about a week I seriously considered what would happen if I were to get into a relationship with him. It is an incredibly tempting idea to let yourself be adored by someone. I thought long and hard about it, prayed, fasted, the whole shebang. Finally I decided that I really didn't want this with him. It's just so very very tempting to have someone who tells you that they care about you, let care about you. It has been so hard living without Seth constantly reminding me of his love. But that's just it. The only reason I even considered this with my friend, is because of how much I miss Seth. I know that doesn't really make too much sense, but that is how I felt. I had found someone with a fraction of the love Seth had for me, and it was so very tempting to accept that. I miss it, okay?
So, I tell him so and give him an ultimatum. Because he has seemed to forget all of my previous responses and because I can't having him continue to play these games with me, I decide that it is time for all of this to come to an end. Either he accepts my decision, or I am no longer his friend. Needless to say, I have been finding different people to ride with to Orem. Now I only see him during the classes that we both have.This has helped a LOT. But that isn't really why I'm writing all of this today. If that had really been the end of it, I wouldn't be telling you this pathetic story.
No. The real reason I am writing this is because he asks me the other day if I would be his valentine...
...
...
...
This maddens me to no end! I refuse outright and have been ignoring him since. Since the classes we share are art classes, it is actually very easy to avoid him entirely. I have a core group of friends that I made in each class and hang out with them. Today he asks me what is wrong and I tell him exactly what it is. I had given him an ultimatum before and I was sticking with it. I bring up the valentine thing and he says that he was just joking...right...I totally believe that... :P I feel like kicking him in the head, but instead I remind him of my ultimatum and tell him that he no longer has the right to joke about such things. I have too much school and work and other things to worry about without having him and his stupid little sarcasms to take up space in my mind.
He puts on this little look and says okay, and that he "understands". Where was his understanding earlier when I started telling him to lay off? I'll tell you where, it was nonexistent. An empty set as it were. Oh, I don't believe that I mentioned he is 13 years older than me. Yep, and he has a 6 year old son who is currently living with the mother.
I have determined that I shall keep silence with him unless he asks me direct questions, and then I shall keep the answers short. This treatment shall continue until I feel that he finally understands what the word NO means.
Geh, these things make me so tired. -_- Go away, go away, don't come back another day.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Seth blah blah blah Seth blah blah cookies.
Yep, it has been a while. Ohisashiburidesune? or something like that.
Well, I just figured that I'd get on tonight and reaquant myself with my blog. And I needed somewhere to rant where I wont be getting comments and such. I know that it's entirely possible that I may one day, but I figure that since I haven't updated in so long, people just stopped looking because I stopped posting. That is the hope anyway. Maybe someday you'll be reading this only to discover that I had written it months ago and the situation is entirely different. So, I am going to write this as if I don't know the people are going to be reading this. I'm not going to disguise anything. This is my blog, and so I shall write in it what I will and how I...wilt? =D
And you guessed it. This entry is all about Seth,so, if you don't like him or don't like hearing people blabbering on and on about him, then I would suggest that you ignore this post and wait for another one that will eventually come along that involves school and work and play. I understand that not everyone is an appreciator, so I just thought that I'd give everyone a heads up.
So...Seth has been on a mission...yep...and from what little (and I mean little) he has written me, he has had a pretty crumby mission so far. The companions that he has been with have each been a very unique trial. I was getting worried for him, he just seemed so disgouraged! I didn't want him to come home. Ok, I do, but I want to be gone when he does. I'm going on my own mission. So, I've just been really worried about him. Then I get a package from him. He called the gifts my Christmas, Birthday, and Valentines Day gifts. They really are quie stunning and lovely. I got a beautiful scarf that reminds me of fire, and an interesting hair piece that everyone keeps saying looks really oriental. I don't know about that, but i do know that I love them both. ^-^ He also sent an item to place in his silver suitcase.
For those of you who don't know, Seth left with me a silver suitcase and 300 dollars with which to buy video games that are coming out while he is away. Already I have KH 385/2 Days and Dissidia both kept neatly in their packaging and the original bags from Gamestop nestled safely in the silver suitcase.
So, he sent KH Final Mix that was only released in Japan for me to place in his "treasure chest" Oh goody. But that isn't all that he sent me in his package of joy and joyness and wonder. He also sent me his memory card. That's right, his memory card that is just stuffed to bursting with pictures of his mission, oh, and some really dorky voice recordings and a few videos. In fact, that's what I would like to talk about. One video in particular....
Well, I just figured that I'd get on tonight and reaquant myself with my blog. And I needed somewhere to rant where I wont be getting comments and such. I know that it's entirely possible that I may one day, but I figure that since I haven't updated in so long, people just stopped looking because I stopped posting. That is the hope anyway. Maybe someday you'll be reading this only to discover that I had written it months ago and the situation is entirely different. So, I am going to write this as if I don't know the people are going to be reading this. I'm not going to disguise anything. This is my blog, and so I shall write in it what I will and how I...wilt? =D
And you guessed it. This entry is all about Seth,so, if you don't like him or don't like hearing people blabbering on and on about him, then I would suggest that you ignore this post and wait for another one that will eventually come along that involves school and work and play. I understand that not everyone is an appreciator, so I just thought that I'd give everyone a heads up.
So...Seth has been on a mission...yep...and from what little (and I mean little) he has written me, he has had a pretty crumby mission so far. The companions that he has been with have each been a very unique trial. I was getting worried for him, he just seemed so disgouraged! I didn't want him to come home. Ok, I do, but I want to be gone when he does. I'm going on my own mission. So, I've just been really worried about him. Then I get a package from him. He called the gifts my Christmas, Birthday, and Valentines Day gifts. They really are quie stunning and lovely. I got a beautiful scarf that reminds me of fire, and an interesting hair piece that everyone keeps saying looks really oriental. I don't know about that, but i do know that I love them both. ^-^ He also sent an item to place in his silver suitcase.
For those of you who don't know, Seth left with me a silver suitcase and 300 dollars with which to buy video games that are coming out while he is away. Already I have KH 385/2 Days and Dissidia both kept neatly in their packaging and the original bags from Gamestop nestled safely in the silver suitcase.
So, he sent KH Final Mix that was only released in Japan for me to place in his "treasure chest" Oh goody. But that isn't all that he sent me in his package of joy and joyness and wonder. He also sent me his memory card. That's right, his memory card that is just stuffed to bursting with pictures of his mission, oh, and some really dorky voice recordings and a few videos. In fact, that's what I would like to talk about. One video in particular....
Ok, so I know this just sounds like normal dorky old Seth, and you might not have caught what Seth said that is bothering me so much, and I KNOW that I'm reading too much into this, but still. "I just got off the phone with Lauren and that whole ordeal"...So...talking to me was an ordeal...like, I was hard to talk to or like you didn't want to talk to me. Ok, so I am being way to emotional about this, but shouldn't he consider any effort to speak with me or reach out to me worth it and not an "ordeal" I mean, it is true that there was a bunch of jumping hoops so he could talk to me, but, wasn't it worth it? Aren't I worth it? I'd like to think that I am. He bought phone cards, borrowed phone cards and bargained for phone cards so he could talk with me. And I loved it. I got to hear from Seth for the last time until I get back from my mission. It is going to be a total of 3 years before I see that child again, is it really so hard to make an effort to talk to me?
So Seth has other videos on his memory card. Out of all of them, he doesn't mention anyone from home except me. Once in this video, and once saying that he had expected me to marry Nick Warren except that Nick is in the MTC at the exact same time and that they are both going to get home at the same time, so no worries.
I dunno, I just feel...I dunno. Kind of like I've been abandoned. It's just so hard sometimes because of who I am and the attention I sometimes think I need. I need people to tell me that they love me. I need to be told. Most times, I'm totally cool with the whole idea of implied love by actions, but I also find myself yearning for the words. But what is a word anyway? It is nothing more than a construction of sounds that we give meaning to. So why do I need to hear the words "I love you"? Actions speak louder than words, but when words are all that you've got, then what? All I hear from Seth are his letters. his short discouraging letters. And now the pedestal that I built for the memories of him is crumbling slightly. The idealized things that I placed on the teetery shelf have slipped a little. Yes, I can see his humor and the things that I fell in love with in the first place, but I can also see the things that hurt so much too. His jesting nature which sometimes takes things to far, and then all we feel is pain. A stabbing pain, a dull pain, a constant ache, the empty pit.
That is all for now. I find my gaze wandering to the corner of my screen and seein 1 AM. haha sleep an impossible dream. It's just, I miss Seth I miss being loved. I miss the problems and I miss the beautiful moments. I loved feeling wanted, and now, I don't feel that anymore. But I should be happy for that! He is on his mission for the Lord, not for Lauren. He cannot be distracted by thoughts of me. To be all that he can be, he needs to offer all of his service to the Lord. And I know this, but I sometimes can't help but feel so greedy sometimes. I want his love and his service! I want his attention again. I want, I want, I want! That is what the greedy little demon inside me says. and sometimes that is all I hear. So then I become sad. Because there is no way that I am going to tell him how badly I want these foolish things. Because I am terrified that if he knew how much I hated this, then he'd come back. Which I want all at the same time as I fear it. >,<
I give myself headaches and soggy blankets. Bed I think is calling me and wants me just as much as I want Seth. And so, I appease the one thing I can...to sleep.
You know what's really funny about this whole situation? I didn't even write about half of the things that are bothering me or weighing heavily on me at this moment. I have a lot of things that I have been bottling up, because I can't really confide in anyone anymore. Mum freaks out and sometimes stops listening partway through what I'm saying, for a time my friends abandoned me and i abandoned them, and now the doors are closed to confidentiality. They don't need me anymore, so how can I expect them to let me need them? Our lives have changed so much. The one person that i found to confide in took too much away from it, and now He is pursuing me constantly. I opened up too much to him because I had no one else. and so now, I have no one. I cannot tell Seth all of my worries because I don't want him becoming overwhelmed by it. And so, I turn to the word, and the fragile knowledge that no one will be reading this for a time. In this, I hope. Because I really don't feel like explaining this to people. I can hardly explain it to myself, how can I expect others to understand? I love my friends. I love my family. I love Seth. But I guess I still hurt too much from the past that I still can't move on wholly into the future. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter, that I've come to terms, but I still feel that hollow ache that is a mere remnant of the initial hurt. It is deep and slow mending.
Geh, I am tired and I am sleep deprived. I am maddness. I am so many things. And now, or soon I will be asleep.
*eats a cookie*
A toast, for being only human. *silently raises a glass into the air*
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Adventure!!!
Ok, so not really a buko adventure with sword fighting or killer bunnies, but an adventure none the less! ^_^ I'm going to the temple tonight!!! :D I am so excited and happy! I haven't been to the temple for about 4 months! Tonight that streak is ending. Yayishness!!! ^_^ I think it's about time to be spiritually fulfilled again. {HUGS} all around!!!!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Question Mark?
I don't know? I've let myself become enveloped in a mess that I never anticipated. I don't know what's going on. I can't even express myself clearly! So I plan on just writing until I can make things clearer. I'm looking to the sky to save me. I'm looking for the beauty around me. I'm looking for a million fireflies. I'm looking for the answers left in disguise. I'm looking for someone to comfort me and keep me strong. I'm looking for a brand new day when the sun is shining. I don't know what I'm looking for.
I'd like to say that I used to think life was easy, but that would be lying. I try not to lie. Life has never been easy. Sure, it has had its moments of lucidity, but even then life was hard. Maybe that's what it is right now. Maybe I'm just going insane because of...nothing? I feel restless, resentment, tired, yearning, frustrated, sad, confused, troubled, and so many other things that I can't define! I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly. However, we all know that it doesn't. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. I have little control over my dreams. I'd like to fall into an eternal sleep and wake up to find all of the answers spread out before me in chronological order.
I just had a realization! One that I'm not sure how I feel about. Wow. Maybe writing and contemplating really works! Nya. We'll just put it all down to my personal genius and nothing else. ;) So I was thinking. My confusion started about two weeks ago. It didn't all come at once, but kept building like a ladder. As I was climbing higher and higher the ground was getting exponentially further and further away. It seems amazing to me how far I can get from the ground and still feel connected. What's funny is that I haven't been doing anything wrong. I've been making the right decisions when faced with funky problems. There's one thing that I've been missing though. Something that up until 2 weeks ago I'd been doing. This is going to sound preachy, are you ready for this?
I'd stopped reading my scriptures. I know, it sounds so foolish and so simple, but it is true. I mean, I usually would only read like 5 verses so it's hard to think that that actually made a difference. I haven't tested my theory out yet, but I have a feeling that I'm right. O the vainness and the frailties and the foolishness of men. *shakes head* I feel really foolish right now.
What do you know! writing and musing actually worked! Maybe I won't be so confused for the time being. Hmmf! I'm not even sure that I'm going to publish this! Ok maybe I will. Man I feel like a dork.
Peace!
I'd like to say that I used to think life was easy, but that would be lying. I try not to lie. Life has never been easy. Sure, it has had its moments of lucidity, but even then life was hard. Maybe that's what it is right now. Maybe I'm just going insane because of...nothing? I feel restless, resentment, tired, yearning, frustrated, sad, confused, troubled, and so many other things that I can't define! I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly. However, we all know that it doesn't. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. I have little control over my dreams. I'd like to fall into an eternal sleep and wake up to find all of the answers spread out before me in chronological order.
I just had a realization! One that I'm not sure how I feel about. Wow. Maybe writing and contemplating really works! Nya. We'll just put it all down to my personal genius and nothing else. ;) So I was thinking. My confusion started about two weeks ago. It didn't all come at once, but kept building like a ladder. As I was climbing higher and higher the ground was getting exponentially further and further away. It seems amazing to me how far I can get from the ground and still feel connected. What's funny is that I haven't been doing anything wrong. I've been making the right decisions when faced with funky problems. There's one thing that I've been missing though. Something that up until 2 weeks ago I'd been doing. This is going to sound preachy, are you ready for this?
I'd stopped reading my scriptures. I know, it sounds so foolish and so simple, but it is true. I mean, I usually would only read like 5 verses so it's hard to think that that actually made a difference. I haven't tested my theory out yet, but I have a feeling that I'm right. O the vainness and the frailties and the foolishness of men. *shakes head* I feel really foolish right now.
What do you know! writing and musing actually worked! Maybe I won't be so confused for the time being. Hmmf! I'm not even sure that I'm going to publish this! Ok maybe I will. Man I feel like a dork.
Peace!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
☼Adventure☼
Ok, so Guitarman Dan is old news. I have other stories that are much more entertaining. ^_^ I'll be skipping around events for now, because I feel that the chainsaw man is quite an epic story. :D
So, it begins
Chainsaw Man
Spook. Alley. Where else would you find a deranged chainsaw man? I guess you could happen upon a random one in the woods or something like that, but most people don't. Now, I haven't been to many spook alleys. They're fun and all, but they just seem like to much effort. Two friends and I decided to go to one tonight...We were bored out of our minds! Sure there were a few spots where they had people jumping out at us that made me jump, but nothing that serious. Then, we got outside. Have I ever told you how much I hate chainsaw men? I know that the chainsaws are missing the chain, but still.
So, we get outside and see this person hiding behind a barrel. He has a chainsaw in his hand. At first it doesn't work when he tries to turn it on, so it was anticlimactic. Then he gets it going. I was laughing before, but then he starts advancing towards us! Thankfully, a group of people just walked outside with us and distract the chainsaw man. I run in the opposite direction. Now, chainsaw man is stationed right next to the exit and next to a maze. I guess he's supposed to chase people through the maze before they figure out where the exit is. So I run into the mini maze. I end up getting separated from my friends and am all alone. I find my way back to the exit and see my two friends talking to the chainsaw man!
They're pointing in my direction and telling him how terrified I am of him!!! Before they even start moving, I run back into the maze. I'd explored enough to navigate to the second entrance because I can hear them coming in from the first one. I'm running full tilt into this maze all the while listening as the chainsaw man kept getting closer. I run out of the mini maze and find myself hiding in another even smaller maze. All this time, I can hear the chainsaw man over in the other side trying to find me. I can even hear my friends helping him trying to find me!
The noises stop but I still wait a minute. I finally come creeping from my hiding place when I see my friends! I'm about to run to them when the chainsaw man, hiding behind them, sees me! He comes running at me and I see no way of escape, so I run back to my hiding place where of course he finds me. I'm backed all the way into the corner and I'm pleading with him to leave me alone because he really is freaking me out. He only continues his advance and stands not even a foot away from me. What's really freaky is that he's taking his chainsaw and slashing it at the grounds so that it makes sparks! Then he's slashing at the wall of the maze right in front of me!!! I dash around him and run for the exit! I stop suddenly before the entrance and he almost runs into me! Finally my friends are somewhat helpful and show me the way out, so now I'm running for the exit.
I get outside and slow down because I think I'm safe. Then I hear the chainsaw again, right behind me! I let out a screech and race down the road to the entrance. What's funny is that there are people walking slowly in front of me. One of the girls turns and seeing me, she starts running too! I get back to the beginning and of course, no one is really following us. As soon as my friends catch up I let them have it! I made sure that both of them had dead arms and at least a few bruises on their shins. I did not appreciate having them sic the chainsaw man on.
I would like to let you all know, if you ever sic a chainsaw man at me, I will maim you and leave you to trip him up. ^_^ Deal?
So, it begins
Chainsaw Man
Spook. Alley. Where else would you find a deranged chainsaw man? I guess you could happen upon a random one in the woods or something like that, but most people don't. Now, I haven't been to many spook alleys. They're fun and all, but they just seem like to much effort. Two friends and I decided to go to one tonight...We were bored out of our minds! Sure there were a few spots where they had people jumping out at us that made me jump, but nothing that serious. Then, we got outside. Have I ever told you how much I hate chainsaw men? I know that the chainsaws are missing the chain, but still.
So, we get outside and see this person hiding behind a barrel. He has a chainsaw in his hand. At first it doesn't work when he tries to turn it on, so it was anticlimactic. Then he gets it going. I was laughing before, but then he starts advancing towards us! Thankfully, a group of people just walked outside with us and distract the chainsaw man. I run in the opposite direction. Now, chainsaw man is stationed right next to the exit and next to a maze. I guess he's supposed to chase people through the maze before they figure out where the exit is. So I run into the mini maze. I end up getting separated from my friends and am all alone. I find my way back to the exit and see my two friends talking to the chainsaw man!
They're pointing in my direction and telling him how terrified I am of him!!! Before they even start moving, I run back into the maze. I'd explored enough to navigate to the second entrance because I can hear them coming in from the first one. I'm running full tilt into this maze all the while listening as the chainsaw man kept getting closer. I run out of the mini maze and find myself hiding in another even smaller maze. All this time, I can hear the chainsaw man over in the other side trying to find me. I can even hear my friends helping him trying to find me!
The noises stop but I still wait a minute. I finally come creeping from my hiding place when I see my friends! I'm about to run to them when the chainsaw man, hiding behind them, sees me! He comes running at me and I see no way of escape, so I run back to my hiding place where of course he finds me. I'm backed all the way into the corner and I'm pleading with him to leave me alone because he really is freaking me out. He only continues his advance and stands not even a foot away from me. What's really freaky is that he's taking his chainsaw and slashing it at the grounds so that it makes sparks! Then he's slashing at the wall of the maze right in front of me!!! I dash around him and run for the exit! I stop suddenly before the entrance and he almost runs into me! Finally my friends are somewhat helpful and show me the way out, so now I'm running for the exit.
I get outside and slow down because I think I'm safe. Then I hear the chainsaw again, right behind me! I let out a screech and race down the road to the entrance. What's funny is that there are people walking slowly in front of me. One of the girls turns and seeing me, she starts running too! I get back to the beginning and of course, no one is really following us. As soon as my friends catch up I let them have it! I made sure that both of them had dead arms and at least a few bruises on their shins. I did not appreciate having them sic the chainsaw man on.
I would like to let you all know, if you ever sic a chainsaw man at me, I will maim you and leave you to trip him up. ^_^ Deal?
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
☼ College Adventures ☼
Guitarman Dan has been sighted!!! Everybody ruuuuuuuuunnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!
More about the second and third encounter with the crazyman later...when I actually have time on the computer for things other than school stuff.
More about the second and third encounter with the crazyman later...when I actually have time on the computer for things other than school stuff.
Friday, October 2, 2009
My Friend
I never thought it was hard just to be a friend. It's pretty straightforward, right? I mean, sure there are moments when even the truest of friends falter, but what is life for other than to test our mettle? I like being a friend. I like making friends. Above all though, I love my friends. On days when I would float away and forget this plane, my friends remind me of reality and anchor me. Life is no simple thing though. In fact, I'd dare say that it is one of the most complicated things in existance. I love my friends as friends and sometimes as sisters/brothers. Why can't they just love me as a friend?I want nothing more.
I'm sorry my dear friend, but my heart is no longer mine. I've given the key to someone else to care for. I'm sorry because I know that this will make you hurt. I hurt because you hurt. We are friends, and that is all we ever will be. I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise. Oh my Friend, my dear Friend, I value our friendship. Please continue to be my friend. I am sorry if I ask too much, but it is all I can do. I told you from the very beginning that I you had to be wary of me. I have never been the kindest friend. I do try, but I am not perfect.
I propose a toast! To Friendship! The one true thing that keeps this world spinning on its axis, and tossing us on our heads! *gulp*
I'm sorry my dear friend, but my heart is no longer mine. I've given the key to someone else to care for. I'm sorry because I know that this will make you hurt. I hurt because you hurt. We are friends, and that is all we ever will be. I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise. Oh my Friend, my dear Friend, I value our friendship. Please continue to be my friend. I am sorry if I ask too much, but it is all I can do. I told you from the very beginning that I you had to be wary of me. I have never been the kindest friend. I do try, but I am not perfect.
I propose a toast! To Friendship! The one true thing that keeps this world spinning on its axis, and tossing us on our heads! *gulp*
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
☼College Adventures☼
Part II
Day 3
Paparazzi Vultures
I was practicing my guitar before class when I see something flit across my vision. I take no note of it and continue practicing. I'm beginning to get worried, creatures have been flitting around me for a few minutes now and I'm afraid that I'm the focus of their attention. Then it happens! A large man descends on me with camera in hand and pretty much demands that I let him take a picture of me. I see nothing else that I can do so I agree. He snaps the camera and then wanders away looking for another victim and I continue practicing my guitar, hoping that was the end of that. Little did I know, there were three more predators stalking. I had seen them walking back and forth in front of me. First only one girl, then a second one joined her. Next thing I know there were three of them and they decide to home in on me. The last girl of their group had been elected spokesperson and asked me if they could take my picture. They said that it was an assignment for a photography class to take pictures of strangers. She emphasized the strange. I agreed to let them take pictures and it was like I'd shot one of them! They moved into a reverse V formation and left me with no options of escape. Then as one they all crouch down, whip out their giant cameras and start clicking away. They seemed very predatory and almost too eager in their photo taking. The lead girl attracted my attention away from the other two by asking me questions about my guitar and the class I was in. Finally, they were finished with their photo taking and left me be. I could only consider myself lucky that they left me alive.
Day 4
Geekfest
All I wanted was a charger for my PSP. I'd been without music and games for an entire week, and while I know that I don't need music or games to survive, I do need them to live. So After finishing classes at school, I take a little jaunt over to the local gaming store, Play'N Trade. I'm not really paying attention to the cars parked out front, but as soon as I walk in the doors, I wish I had. Geeks. Lots and Lots and Lots of Geeks. Conveniently, they were all congregated around the front door as I walked in. As I look over the sea of heads, I don't see a single female in the entire store. So not only are they geeks, they are all male geeks. My step falters for a moment as I realize that I am the only one of my species in the room, but I continue on bravely. I need that charger after all. I walk up to the counter find my charger, buy it, and get out. There is only so much a girl can do when faced with such a strong tide, not to mention that there was a giant man dressed up in a costume from the "big" game that was being sold. I think that next time I make a run to a geekstore, I'm going to make sure not to go when a new game is being released. I think it'd be safer for all parties involved.
End of Part II
Day 3
Paparazzi Vultures
I was practicing my guitar before class when I see something flit across my vision. I take no note of it and continue practicing. I'm beginning to get worried, creatures have been flitting around me for a few minutes now and I'm afraid that I'm the focus of their attention. Then it happens! A large man descends on me with camera in hand and pretty much demands that I let him take a picture of me. I see nothing else that I can do so I agree. He snaps the camera and then wanders away looking for another victim and I continue practicing my guitar, hoping that was the end of that. Little did I know, there were three more predators stalking. I had seen them walking back and forth in front of me. First only one girl, then a second one joined her. Next thing I know there were three of them and they decide to home in on me. The last girl of their group had been elected spokesperson and asked me if they could take my picture. They said that it was an assignment for a photography class to take pictures of strangers. She emphasized the strange. I agreed to let them take pictures and it was like I'd shot one of them! They moved into a reverse V formation and left me with no options of escape. Then as one they all crouch down, whip out their giant cameras and start clicking away. They seemed very predatory and almost too eager in their photo taking. The lead girl attracted my attention away from the other two by asking me questions about my guitar and the class I was in. Finally, they were finished with their photo taking and left me be. I could only consider myself lucky that they left me alive.
Day 4
Geekfest
All I wanted was a charger for my PSP. I'd been without music and games for an entire week, and while I know that I don't need music or games to survive, I do need them to live. So After finishing classes at school, I take a little jaunt over to the local gaming store, Play'N Trade. I'm not really paying attention to the cars parked out front, but as soon as I walk in the doors, I wish I had. Geeks. Lots and Lots and Lots of Geeks. Conveniently, they were all congregated around the front door as I walked in. As I look over the sea of heads, I don't see a single female in the entire store. So not only are they geeks, they are all male geeks. My step falters for a moment as I realize that I am the only one of my species in the room, but I continue on bravely. I need that charger after all. I walk up to the counter find my charger, buy it, and get out. There is only so much a girl can do when faced with such a strong tide, not to mention that there was a giant man dressed up in a costume from the "big" game that was being sold. I think that next time I make a run to a geekstore, I'm going to make sure not to go when a new game is being released. I think it'd be safer for all parties involved.
End of Part II
Monday, September 21, 2009
☼ College Adventures!!! ☼
Here are my adventures at college...so far...☺
Part 1
Day I
☼ Guitar man Dan, the Crazy man ☼
It started out a regular day. Go to school, struggle to stay awake in class, you know, the usual. Well, it was almost a normal day. It was the day...Tuition was due!!! That's right, I had to go into the financial office and fork over $2,280 for my tuition this semester. :( I had just walked out of the financial office when I saw a very strange sight. This guy was sitting in the Hall of Flags on top of a table playing the guitar. it was obvious to me that the lyrics he sung were self composed, and they were hilarious! I wasn't the only one to think so either. surrounding him was a flock of people who hung enthralled by every word he sang and spoke. This guy had a following. I didn't really think much about him at that time beside the passing thought, "Wow, he's kind of funny!" and with that, he passed from my mind. Little did I know that I was fated to see him again.
This second sighting occurred when I was walking down the hall rocking to my J-Pop. I was be-popping along when I see him sitting, this time in a chair and he was talking with somebody. He saw me and motioned me over.
"What is that you're listening too?" he asks. I didn't feel like explaining my J-Pop fetish to him, so I gave him an earphone to listen with, then maybe he would understand. He nodded his head and told me he thought that was cool. He asks me my name and I ask him his.
"Dan" was all he offered.
"Lauren" was all I gave back.
We shook hands and started a conversation. He asks me about my major, and then tells me that no matter what I do, I need to make sure that it is something that I love doing. Then he asks me if I'm a hippy... I was shocked, so I just tell him that I'm not really a hippy no. He tells me that I give off a hippy vibe and then asks me if I hug trees and when was the last time I did so. I have to think about it so he says that it's been too long.
"Let's go hug a tree right now!" he says. I tell him no.
"Lauren, don't you understand that there is a tree out there that needs your love?" I still tell him no.
So he moves on to another subject. He asks me if I play video games. I show him my handy-dandy game playing, music playing device and say yes. Then he asks me if I play piano.
"Yes, I do; but now I'm learning how to play the guitar." luckily he has a guitar handy and pulls it out so I can play something for him. So I play the only thing I know...the D chord. ☺ I pass it back to him and ask him if he was the one who was playing in the Hall of Flags earlier. He gets this big ol' pleased grin on his face and says, "Yes, yes that was me" So I ask him to play something for me. He pulls out a pick and starts playing a song about Dandelions...For those of you who don't know, dandelions are the official Underling flower. He says there aren't enough songs about dandelions, so he wrote this one. When I tell him that I don't think there are any songs about dandelions he tells me that his point has been made. He plays a few more songs that are all really entertaining.
As he puts his guitar away he asks me if he can see my hand. I don't see why not, so I let him have it. He grabs my right hand and starts reading my palm. This is what he said..."You are not the first one to volunteer, you usually wait for someone else to go first and then you jump in. You are intelligent, and stubborn, slightly artistic, are very romantic and enjoy spontaneity in relationships. You fall in love easily and have broken lots of guys hearts. That is, if you haven't yet, you will."
I thank him for that and before things get stranger (or because of it) his friend pipes up and asks me if I'm a fan yet. I can tell that Guitar man Dan really wants me to say yes, so I say...No. ☺ Guitar man Dan slaps his hand on the table and stands up saying, "Let's find a piano!" We find an unused piano at Center Stage and he pulls out two chairs for us to sit on. He sits down at the piano and starts playing a few songs. The first few are just instrumentals that he wrote, last week ago. I'm talking a little bit with his friend when Crazy man Dan leans over and pulls my sock down so he can see my ankle! I have no idea what he's doing, but then he whips his head away so that he doesn't see me anymore and starts playing the piano again. Then he sings a song about ankles...and how sexy they are. His feet are going his hands are going even his head is swinging all over the place! He's a very passionate piano player. his song is all about how I should take off my shoes and socks so that he can see my ankles, because ankles are sexy and people cover them up too much...I was pinned to my seat with laughter! I couldn't stop laughing at how hard this guy was trying to impress me! When he finally stops playing, he tells us that it was a song from an improv that he did once and that he's been looking for an excuse to play it again. He plays a few more songs that are all really well written and beautiful. We stand up to leave and he asks me if I'm going to buy any of his Cd's. I'm feeling rebellious, so I tell him No. ☺I probably should have said yes. He was trying really, really hard to win me over.
We parted ways and I have yet to see him since. There is on doubt in my mind though, that I will see Guitar man Dan the Crazy man again.
Day II
☼ Frisbee head guy☼
I was practicing my guitar before class when a guy walking by stops. He asks me how long I've been playing. I've only been playing for a few days so I ask him if he plays. He tells me that he plays piano, not guitar. We talk a little more and then he wanders away to class and I leave for lunch (I'm hungry). And that was it, well almost. You know those Frisbees that have the center cut out? He was wearing one on his head. It was bright orange.
☼Attack of the Water Nymphs☼
I was hungry. I wanted, no, NEEDED food! So I headed to the food lounge and ordered myself a piping hot slice of Hawaiian pizza. Mmmm. Pizza! It was such a beautiful day, so I decided to eat outside. There's this lovely fountain out in the commons area, so I went and sat beside that to eat. I sat in the sun enjoying my pizza in the sun when a dance troupe comes out. Well, its a class. I don't really pay attention to what they are doing and continue contemplating my slice of pizza. I hear some yelling so I look up. There are three girls that are running and dancing around and in the fountain. I can only assume that they are with the class on the other side. So I sit and watch all the while munching on my delicious pizza. The girls keep coming closer and closer. I don't really pay attention though, the pizza in my hand had my utter devotion and attention. I look up again and see that they are indeed even closer! i pay them no mind knowing that they'll have seen me by then and would take that into account with their dance number. I am again gazing with adoration at my pizza contemplating where to take my next bite when I am suddenly covered with water! The dancers had just performed a kick that sent water rushing over me! I was shocked and let out a little screech. I wasn't expecting that! Then they start dancing even closer to me! They were already practically on top of me so I plan a tactical retreat and take my pizza with me further way. Then they keep coming, so I have to retreat even further! Finally the water nymphs take their dance elsewhere and then finally stop. The main culprit of the water splashing comes up to me and apologizes for getting me all wet. They'd practiced this number many times before and had never had a problem with anyone sitting there. She didn't even see me. I tell her it's okay and she runs to join the other nymphs in front of their class. I sit there wet thinking, when I remember the ever crucial piece of pizza sitting in my hand! I look at it hurriedly and to my relief it was unharmed. I sat in the sun to dry and finished my slice of pizza.
End of Part 1
Expect Part 2 come Wednesday. ☺
Part 1
Day I
☼ Guitar man Dan, the Crazy man ☼
It started out a regular day. Go to school, struggle to stay awake in class, you know, the usual. Well, it was almost a normal day. It was the day...Tuition was due!!! That's right, I had to go into the financial office and fork over $2,280 for my tuition this semester. :( I had just walked out of the financial office when I saw a very strange sight. This guy was sitting in the Hall of Flags on top of a table playing the guitar. it was obvious to me that the lyrics he sung were self composed, and they were hilarious! I wasn't the only one to think so either. surrounding him was a flock of people who hung enthralled by every word he sang and spoke. This guy had a following. I didn't really think much about him at that time beside the passing thought, "Wow, he's kind of funny!" and with that, he passed from my mind. Little did I know that I was fated to see him again.
This second sighting occurred when I was walking down the hall rocking to my J-Pop. I was be-popping along when I see him sitting, this time in a chair and he was talking with somebody. He saw me and motioned me over.
"What is that you're listening too?" he asks. I didn't feel like explaining my J-Pop fetish to him, so I gave him an earphone to listen with, then maybe he would understand. He nodded his head and told me he thought that was cool. He asks me my name and I ask him his.
"Dan" was all he offered.
"Lauren" was all I gave back.
We shook hands and started a conversation. He asks me about my major, and then tells me that no matter what I do, I need to make sure that it is something that I love doing. Then he asks me if I'm a hippy... I was shocked, so I just tell him that I'm not really a hippy no. He tells me that I give off a hippy vibe and then asks me if I hug trees and when was the last time I did so. I have to think about it so he says that it's been too long.
"Let's go hug a tree right now!" he says. I tell him no.
"Lauren, don't you understand that there is a tree out there that needs your love?" I still tell him no.
So he moves on to another subject. He asks me if I play video games. I show him my handy-dandy game playing, music playing device and say yes. Then he asks me if I play piano.
"Yes, I do; but now I'm learning how to play the guitar." luckily he has a guitar handy and pulls it out so I can play something for him. So I play the only thing I know...the D chord. ☺ I pass it back to him and ask him if he was the one who was playing in the Hall of Flags earlier. He gets this big ol' pleased grin on his face and says, "Yes, yes that was me" So I ask him to play something for me. He pulls out a pick and starts playing a song about Dandelions...For those of you who don't know, dandelions are the official Underling flower. He says there aren't enough songs about dandelions, so he wrote this one. When I tell him that I don't think there are any songs about dandelions he tells me that his point has been made. He plays a few more songs that are all really entertaining.
As he puts his guitar away he asks me if he can see my hand. I don't see why not, so I let him have it. He grabs my right hand and starts reading my palm. This is what he said..."You are not the first one to volunteer, you usually wait for someone else to go first and then you jump in. You are intelligent, and stubborn, slightly artistic, are very romantic and enjoy spontaneity in relationships. You fall in love easily and have broken lots of guys hearts. That is, if you haven't yet, you will."
I thank him for that and before things get stranger (or because of it) his friend pipes up and asks me if I'm a fan yet. I can tell that Guitar man Dan really wants me to say yes, so I say...No. ☺ Guitar man Dan slaps his hand on the table and stands up saying, "Let's find a piano!" We find an unused piano at Center Stage and he pulls out two chairs for us to sit on. He sits down at the piano and starts playing a few songs. The first few are just instrumentals that he wrote, last week ago. I'm talking a little bit with his friend when Crazy man Dan leans over and pulls my sock down so he can see my ankle! I have no idea what he's doing, but then he whips his head away so that he doesn't see me anymore and starts playing the piano again. Then he sings a song about ankles...and how sexy they are. His feet are going his hands are going even his head is swinging all over the place! He's a very passionate piano player. his song is all about how I should take off my shoes and socks so that he can see my ankles, because ankles are sexy and people cover them up too much...I was pinned to my seat with laughter! I couldn't stop laughing at how hard this guy was trying to impress me! When he finally stops playing, he tells us that it was a song from an improv that he did once and that he's been looking for an excuse to play it again. He plays a few more songs that are all really well written and beautiful. We stand up to leave and he asks me if I'm going to buy any of his Cd's. I'm feeling rebellious, so I tell him No. ☺I probably should have said yes. He was trying really, really hard to win me over.
We parted ways and I have yet to see him since. There is on doubt in my mind though, that I will see Guitar man Dan the Crazy man again.
Day II
☼ Frisbee head guy☼
I was practicing my guitar before class when a guy walking by stops. He asks me how long I've been playing. I've only been playing for a few days so I ask him if he plays. He tells me that he plays piano, not guitar. We talk a little more and then he wanders away to class and I leave for lunch (I'm hungry). And that was it, well almost. You know those Frisbees that have the center cut out? He was wearing one on his head. It was bright orange.
☼Attack of the Water Nymphs☼
I was hungry. I wanted, no, NEEDED food! So I headed to the food lounge and ordered myself a piping hot slice of Hawaiian pizza. Mmmm. Pizza! It was such a beautiful day, so I decided to eat outside. There's this lovely fountain out in the commons area, so I went and sat beside that to eat. I sat in the sun enjoying my pizza in the sun when a dance troupe comes out. Well, its a class. I don't really pay attention to what they are doing and continue contemplating my slice of pizza. I hear some yelling so I look up. There are three girls that are running and dancing around and in the fountain. I can only assume that they are with the class on the other side. So I sit and watch all the while munching on my delicious pizza. The girls keep coming closer and closer. I don't really pay attention though, the pizza in my hand had my utter devotion and attention. I look up again and see that they are indeed even closer! i pay them no mind knowing that they'll have seen me by then and would take that into account with their dance number. I am again gazing with adoration at my pizza contemplating where to take my next bite when I am suddenly covered with water! The dancers had just performed a kick that sent water rushing over me! I was shocked and let out a little screech. I wasn't expecting that! Then they start dancing even closer to me! They were already practically on top of me so I plan a tactical retreat and take my pizza with me further way. Then they keep coming, so I have to retreat even further! Finally the water nymphs take their dance elsewhere and then finally stop. The main culprit of the water splashing comes up to me and apologizes for getting me all wet. They'd practiced this number many times before and had never had a problem with anyone sitting there. She didn't even see me. I tell her it's okay and she runs to join the other nymphs in front of their class. I sit there wet thinking, when I remember the ever crucial piece of pizza sitting in my hand! I look at it hurriedly and to my relief it was unharmed. I sat in the sun to dry and finished my slice of pizza.
End of Part 1
Expect Part 2 come Wednesday. ☺
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
☺☺☺
I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter!
I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter!
guess who it was from? ;) It's my first letter from Japan! ^_^ I can't help but become excited. :D
I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter! I got a letter!
guess who it was from? ;) It's my first letter from Japan! ^_^ I can't help but become excited. :D
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Scheduling schmeduling underling dingaling
Hahaha! Well, I think I might possibly, maybe, hopefully have my schedule for school FINALLY settled. ^_^ So...I dropped my philosophy class for a guitar class instead... ^_^ I'm feeling very "happy, feelin' glad...I got sunshine in a bag..." (I really don't know where that song came from!) and now I get to exercise my right brain too! Hooraaaaay! I start tomorrow and thankfully dad has a guitar that I can use. :D
Well, I gotsta get goin'-I have some homework that I had to put on hold so I could figure out my schedule. :/ It might be a short night tonight.
Well, I gotsta get goin'-I have some homework that I had to put on hold so I could figure out my schedule. :/ It might be a short night tonight.
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